THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
