I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize