You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize