So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my poor anus
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
