we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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