Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize