I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
