a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
