he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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