They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize