I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize