I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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