mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
