I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
