instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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