I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
