so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
