had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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