and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
