SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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