oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
