They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
