You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Say something about gay babies.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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