I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
