i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
