Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
