hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
