She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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