promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
