dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
