how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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