I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
