He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
