So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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