I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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