So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
