I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
