wanna go halves on a baby?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
