508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
