I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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