I wish they made helmets for livers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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