please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
