once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
