I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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