There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
