I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
