yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
