it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
