there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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