What tipped you off? The sombrero?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
