it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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