4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
