He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
its liver damage thursday
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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