at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
should my penis look like a turkey
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
