I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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