he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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