Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
