Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
