i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
