I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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