is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize