Duck Duck Cougar?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
