I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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