Kiss
Puke
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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