You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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