I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
