I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize