his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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