my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
