Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
