I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
