Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
