he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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