I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
