So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
