Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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