so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
