i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
