she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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