Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please, let me fuck your mom
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
