does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
