He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
