Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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