do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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