ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
