I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
