All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize