If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
