I heard we made out
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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