I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
