U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
