You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
