i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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