So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
