well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
