Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
