so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
