Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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