i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
